Random Acts of Immaturity
by The Empress of Planet Z
Summary: Hyperness? Intoxication? Controlled by children? You decide what's driving these characters to immaturity. A quirky little oneshot that has little to do with the plot of Unmasked Love.


AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is a product of the author's imagination and is purely random (as the title suggests). It has very little or no significance to the plot of Unmasked Love or any other story. Please don't assume that the characters' actions in this story relate to the main storyline of Unmasked Love, because they don't necessarily. Thank you and enjoy!

Random Acts of Immaturity

The shrill ring of a vid-phone rang out its tone atop the black lacquered desk.

"I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it!"

"NO, I've got it!"

"Oh, sure as the Cosmos you don't!"

"By my left horn, I most certainly do!" As the phone continued its alarming tone, the Emperor and his ward bounded down the hall, causing vases to tremble on their shelves and delicate paintings to shift on their mounts. The odd-looking pair shoved and nudged each other; one had the obviously stronger force, while the other, in her frail strength could hardly compete with his shoves. In a desperate attempt at halting him, Sarah latched on to Zurg's cape and purposely slammed to the carpeted floor, a few feet before the office entrance.

"It's _my_ job to answer the phone, since _I'm _your servant!" Sarah gritted through her teeth, struggling to stay put, as Zurg almost effortlessly dragged her from behind. A silly giggle escaped his mask as he replied,

"But it's most likely for me!"

"But I need to answer it!" She giggled as well, her legs flailing every which way.

"Having a little trouble back there?" he said with a smile, now through the threshold of the doorway.

"No!" she cried defiantly, pulling herself up, her grasp tight on the cape. Now standing, she trailed her hands further up the black and red cape, until her hands met his shoulders. She then dashed past him, her feet throwing their strength against the resisting floor, and threw herself on the desk, scrambling to press the answer button. Her effort made papers and utensils to spread and some dashed to the floor. However, she was halted by the over-whelming power of Zurg's metallic gauntlets squeezing hold to both sides of her hips.

"Ha, ha, my little cupcake, your plan has been foiled!" he cried triumphantly, flinging her forcefully, while being gentle, off the desk and onto the floor. He hurried to lean over her and the desk, pressing the answer button next to his computer terminal. Behind them the large screen illuminated, revealing the caller. The screen showed a neatly dressed robot, with a rounded off head.

"Heeelllooo! Evil Emperor Zurg, we would like to offer you a sensational – " The robot's obnoxious salesman voice cut short, as the screen closed to black again.

Zurg groaned. "I thought I had a telemarketers' block installed."

"You did," Sarah confirmed, still on the floor, but not looking up. Her right hand held up her shirt and the other examined her stomach. "Ouch, Victor!" she cried childishly. "Look what your dragging me caused!"

"Aw, did poor Sarah give herself a rug burn?" he cooed sarcastically. He pressed a button that lay where his mask met his suit armor, lifted his mask upward, and placed it on the desk. "Oh, here, let Zurgie kiss it and make it feel better," he said, kneeling quickly to the floor and drawing near her stomach.

"No! I don't want your sympathy!" she cried, swiftly pushing away.

"Oh, but you will have it anyway." He grabbed her stocking covered leg, shoved himself forward and planted a big smooch on the irritated, red portion of her belly.

"Ha!" Sarah released her cry of displeasure and great embarrassment and showed her disgust by shoving his face away with her hand.

"Oh, come on, ma petite amour don't be angry." She gave him a haughty little "humph," folding her arms and turning to look up at an artifact that was probably taken from one of the nearby moons. "Don't be this way…," he exhaled. A moment passed with no reply, then suddenly, Victor lit up and began to hum the tune that always got her moving. He started singing the lyrics softly, _"You are the dancing queen. Young and sweet, only seventeen…"_ He started to draw nearer to her while he sang, with a playful, slightly devious smirk on his face. Sarah's frown began to melt away. He suddenly leapt up and crescendo-ed his voice. _"OOOoooo! You can dance! You can dieee! Having the time of your life..." _Her shoulders hunched over, vainly struggling to hide her amusement; he was always a great source of entertainment.

Victor rushed over to the other side of the desk, did some typing, and soon the original song blared through the surround-sound speakers. He continued to accompany the vocals as he went back to Sarah, trying to pry her off the floor. As the second verse began, he kept the tune, but improvised his own lyrics. _"Come on Sarah, you know you want to. Dance with me till the night is through."_ Sliding away from her, he began a crazy disco dance.

The chorus began again, and she could resist no longer. She bounded up next to him. _"Dig it the dancing queen!"_ she belted into her invisible microphone and threw a pointed finger in the air.

"Ha, ha!" He seized her hands and pulled her close. With intense expressions on their faces, they swept up into an intimate, nightclub-like dance. The song came to a close and the music player randomized to bring up another song.

It was Sarah's turn as she sang the first verse, then drew very near to him as she began the chorus,

"_Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight. Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away? Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight. Take me through the darkness to the break of the day."_ Victor smiled, entranced by her close features and sensuous voice.

The song faded to the next and Victor now sang along, countering the last song.

"_You're so hot, teasing me  
So you're blue but I can't take a chance on a chick like you  
That's something I couldn't do…  
There's that look in your eyes  
I can read in your face that your feelings are driving you wild  
Ah, but girl you're only a child_

_Well I can dance with you honey  
If you think it's funny  
Does your mother know that you're out?  
And I can chat with you baby  
Flirt a little maybe  
Does your mother know that you're out?"_

"My mother has no idea where I am," she said coquettishly, raising an eyebrow, making him halt his voice, while the originals carried on the tune.

"But I'm sure if she did, you'd be confined to your room on Earth forever and I'd be a dead man," he said grinning, as his low voice fell smoothly over his tongue. His daringly intimate gaze met hers. The space between them narrowed and Victor leaned over to her just as Johnere walked unknowingly through the door.

"Sir, I just wanted to clarify your decision on the brain pods' new experiment," he said informatively, his eyes engulfed by the papers in his arms. "And I – " At last the Emperor's close assistant looked up, seeing his master with his hands placed delicately on Miss Sarah's lower back with her arms draped over his shoulders. No one spoke for a drawn out second until Sarah and Victor broke from their embrace, cheeks brightly flushed.

To eliminate the awkward moment, Victor rushed over, silenced the music player and replaced his mask upon returning to his starting place. "Yes, Johnere, I – " The vid-phone interjected; its shrill tone pierced through Zurg's words. He and Sarah shared a grin. "Don't even…," he said, pointing a sharp finger at her.

"Oh, allow me, sir," Johnere faithfully insisted.

"No, no," Zurg said pleasantly with a wave of his hand. Zurg glided over to the rear of his desk and paused, lightly clearing his throat. He pressed the answer button once again, putting on his formal conversational voice, "Hello? Evil Emperor Zurg speaking. How may I be of assistance?" The Overseer of Finances, a shrewd little alien, whose eyes were quite small, addressed his Emperor in his haughty, native-accented voice,

"Your Majesty, we've come to a small nick in our production expenses. I feel I must inform you that our production costs have gone over maximum already this month."

"Oh? Whatever caused such a splurge?" Zurg up kept his distinguished mannerisms, placing his hands behind his back as it straightened.

"Your…personal merchandise productions, sir," the diplomat reported.

Zurg's regal composure began slipping, "What? You mean my merchandise isn't selling well?"

"No…your Majesty…it isn't…"

"My Evil Emperor Weekly magazine is being left on the shelves of stores?"

"No, it still sells satisfactory."

"What of my Imperial Apparel?"

"Still a major seller in stores here in the Empire."

"My…Evil Emperor plushy toy with 500 different malevolently witty phrases?"

"That…is the problem, your Evilness," the Overseer admitted.

"Doh! I knew I should have told the design team to add the mini ion blaster and matching orbs of hypo-electric shock." Sarah rolled her eyes and she and Johnere exchanged sidelong smirks. Zurg sighed, rather dejected. "Very well…in a week or two, if sales haven't increased, take it off the market."

"As you say, sir. I agree with your decision whole heartedly."

"Well, of course you do! What denizen of this empire does not?!" Zurg bellowed harshly.

"No one your majesty. None can deny your word," the Overseer said nervously, wishing to appease his Emperor to prevent any command of punishment against him.

"Enough! You can save your kiss up comments for later," the Emperor retorted. "Right now I'm not in the mood…"

"Very well, your majesty…good day."

An irritated frown appeared on Zurg's face. "Yes, yes," he grumbled, quickly closing the call with a press of a button. The tyrant collapsed in his oversized, violet and black swivel chair behind the desk. Sarah and Johnere timidly closed in to the front of the desk; Sarah leaned her hands' palms against the edge, while Johnere stood vigilantly waiting. Zurg rubbed his false eyes tiredly and released a sigh. "Ohhh, I need popcorn shrimp."

"Ew," Sarah said flatly.

"I suppose you won't join me then?" Zurg said with mild agitation.

"Oh, I can if you want me to. Just so I get popcorn _chicken_." Zurg rolled his eyes, his mood beginning to improve. "Johnere, put in an order for us."

"It will be done, sir…may I use this vid-phone?" he asked, pointing to the screen upon the wall.

"Whatever. Yes."

"Oh, and remember sir, you planned to - "

"Oh, yes! Yes, I did!" Zurg whispered excitedly. Zurg rose from his chair, endowing it to Johnere, and took an unprepared Sarah by the hand. "Come on," he said calmly, leading her hurriedly from the room.

"We're not going to the dining room, then?" Sarah asked, cautious.

"Not yet." He glanced back at her with a wily smile.

"Then where are we going?" she inquired as they passed through the grand entry hall and through the massive doors.

"You'll see." Sarah groaned; on Planet Z, places to be taken were next to numerous.

Bright lights gradually lit up the sleek, shadowed lanes. Four identical alleyways, in all their purple and red glory, shone with their equally long gutters and dead ends. Dead ends holding dark pits, ready to consume whatever was first tumbled over by a ball.

"_This_ is what you planned to do? _This_ is the activity that just had to be done? _Bowling_?" Sarah asked incredulously.

"Yes."

"What a perfectly trivial thing to do! Doesn't an Emperor have better things to do with his time?"

"Ah, but my dear, this not just any old form of bowling, it's…_evil_ bowling."

Zurg's brow furrowed in unison with his mask's cruel false grin.

"And…how is _evil_ bowling any different from regular bowling other than the fact that you're an evil dictator?"

"Let me show you how evil dictators have their fun," he replied sing-song-like, a pointed finger waging straight in the air. He strutted down to the platform before the lanes. Sarah crossed her arms nonchalantly, dubious that his game of bowling was much different from bowling on Earth. Zurg did not choose a bowling ball, for there were none, only he pressed a dark green button on the ball delivery mechanism. Sarah's bored expression transformed into wide-eyed dismay as the "ball," inside a small cage, rose from the floor beside Zurg. The cage's top slid open and Zurg vehemently grabbed the victimized creature and rolled it tightly into a spherical shape. The grub squealed and whimpered under the pressure of its master's grasp. "Oh, shape up and face it like a man," Zurg snapped.

"But…I'm…not a man," it gasped desperately. Sarah watched in horror as ten grubs, bound with electrode wrist and ankle cuffs, were brought down to the lane's floor at the end by claws.

"Now you see my dear," Zurg called back to her instructively, "this is what the bad little, disobedient grubs receive as punishment!" He gave the grub ball a hard squishing, almost grinding it in his hands, as the grub released a horrendous moan.

"Ohh, nooo," a few of the grub "pins" at the dark end of the lane murmured, sympathizing with their fellow victim.

Zurg chuckled maliciously. "Now Sarah, this, as you will learn, is most therapeutic!" He crushed the grub harder in his grasp.

But Sarah cringed, feeling no relief whatsoever; her shoulder blades locked along with her tensing back muscles. She could hear the little creature's spine twisting and cracking. "Stop!" Sarah at last cried desperately.

"Oh, you needn't worry," Zurg clarified, "these little buggers can withstand about anything."

"_Except maybe the blast of his ion blaster,"_ Sarah thought, grimacing. Zurg posed, clutching his "ball" tightly in front of his face, ready to strike out all the grub's little comrades at the other end. "Ohh," Sarah groaned uneasily. The grub braced itself as Zurg swung his hand backward and leaning forward, took a step. Just as he took another step with his opposite foot, his sustaining foot slipped from underneath him, planting the Evil Emperor face down on the floor.

His protégé could hardly stifle her giggles, which soon exploded into a fit of laughter. The grubs designated as pins fought to hide their snickering. Zurg freed the grub from his grasp so he could use both hands to push up from the floor; the grub limped quickly across the other lane and then up near where Sarah stood. "Ha, ha, well," Sarah chortled happily, "looks like the Emperor got his own share of floor burn today." Sarah rushed down to the platform, pressed a yellow button marked 'release', and the grateful "pins" rushed to be with the grub "ball."

Zurg grumbled, pushing himself off the floor slowly, not wishing to experience the effects of his embarrassing fall; his male ego had been bruised.

"Did Zurgie give himself a floor burn?" Sarah asked, standing over him. "Let Sarah kiss it and make it feel better," she mocked. He turned himself on his back and Sarah quickly saw his mounting fury. Her playful expression became serious. "Here," she said sympathetically, extending her hand.

"I don't want your sympathy!" Zurg mocked back immaturely. "And no ABBA numbers either!" His slumped posture reflected his resentment as he rose from the floor. He straightened. "So much for having a joyous afternoon with you!"

"Joyous? Zurg, I hardly see inflicting pain upon others as _joyous_." His crimson eyes narrowed as he folded his arms then glanced away. "Come on," she said, "let's get those popcorn shrimp and chicken entrees we've been wanting."

"I'm not even hungry anymore," he retorted boyishly.

"Fine." She shrugged and turned making her way up the steps toward the door. The grubs had already rushed off, relishing their freedom.

Zurg feuded with himself; he could not handle denying that popcorn shrimp a second longer, for though he was far from its fumes, the smell was pungent in his mind. Zurg's purplish form went whizzing past Sarah as she opened the door. "Last one there's a rotten Mestaleuigian egg!"

Sarah gasped, insistent on beating him to the dining hall. "Nanh-uh!" she shouted, racing on behind him.


End file.
